


there's this image of you and i

by sapphictomaz



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, idk how to tag, spacekru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 14:56:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19814653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphictomaz/pseuds/sapphictomaz
Summary: Sanctum is a lost cause. They return to the Exodus ship with less than they had when they arrived. Murphy isn't sure where to go from here.Canon up until 6x09.





	there's this image of you and i

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from "fireside" by arctic monkeys, the perfect murphamy song. this fic is dt to sarah for the inspiration.

**i.**

In the end, they don’t save Clarke, or Sanctum, for that matter. Bellamy will swear that he saw her gain control over Josephine, just for a second, but no one will be able to substantiate these claims and most will sadly shake their heads when he tells them, condemning him to the role of  _ mourning _ .

Octavia was the one to find her body in the woods, black blood streaming from her eyes and ears. She never made it to see Gabriel, but she tried - this much is clear. The history books will remember Clarke Griffin as an honourable leader. It’s more than she would have wanted.

Bellamy met Octavia halfway back to Sanctum, the two of them putting aside their differences for long enough to devise a plan to free their friends. This event coincided with Kane’s final sacrifice, which Raven told them all about, and Emori’s public execution, which no one had yet been able to talk about.

Russell, driven mad with centuries of grief and rage, tortured Murphy and Emori before tying them both to posts and lighting a funeral pyre at their feet. It’s a statement to the people from Earth, he said, but it wasn’t that effective when the last thing those so-called people of theirs said to them was  _ traitor _ . He burns her first, and she dies screaming. Murphy feels a part of him go with her when she finally leaves consciousness. 

In the end, the ship lands and Abby orchestrates an exchange of prisoners. The death of his daughter convinces Russell to agree to these terms, and in less than a day, their ship takes off and leaves orbit, Sanctum fading to nothing in the distance. Over half of the crew still lie in cryo chambers, never having been woken in the first place. 

They don’t save Clarke, Kane, or Emori. Diyoza disappeared, lost to the planet’s surface. Monty and Harper died for nothing, their son near death from a stab wound he received only days after seeing the ground for the first time. Jordan Green isn’t sure if he wants to leave the ship ever again.

In the end, Sanctum was nothing more than a detour in their wait for Earth to revive itself, just more proof that they don’t deserve to live in peace.

**ii.**

Murphy grew up on the Ark, and found his first semblance of  _ home _ there. Living on the Ring the second time around was different; better than being on the ground, but worse in that it gave him time for introspection. 

He watched Emori get a chance to pause and breathe, to discover who she truly wanted to be and then become that person and more. Echo and Bellamy were both able to forgive themselves and each other for atrocities committed on the ground, and turn that pain into something beautiful. Monty and Harper, they thrived and continued to do so, while Raven finally got a chance to rest that she always secretly longed for. He watched himself get left behind.

But that was fine - it was. His friends were happy, and were able to  _ be _ happy without him in the picture. Murphy was more than happy to oblige and remain just out of frame. Yet, after everything that followed, he’d always wished to return back to those simpler days where he could just exist, knowing that anyone he cared about would be just fine. 

Now - well. Now Emori’s dead. If he hadn’t tried to make that deal, if he hadn’t helped Josephine, then maybe - 

There’s no “maybe” about it. If he’d made better decisions, she’d still be alive. It wasn’t a hard conclusion. 

He doesn’t really know where to go from here.

**iii.**

Murphy stands at the mouth of the so-called “cryo-room.” A seemingly endless hallway filled with cryo-chambers, almost all of them filled, save for four spots. Raven and Echo sat together, further down the hall, arms around each other. Both were perfectly still. Closer to him was - of  _ course _ \- Bellamy.

Before he knows it, Murphy’s standing next to him. Their eyes meet, for a brief second, and Bellamy gives him the smallest smile before returning his gaze to one particular pod:  _ Octavia Blake. _

“She’ll be alright,” Murphy says. He hates how small and helpless his voice sounds, but he feels a compulsive need to offer his support, especially to Bellamy.

“I know,” Bellamy sighs. A moment passes, and then Murphy feels Bellamy’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Murphy. About what I said, and about...about everything.”

He was never really angry at Bellamy, but in that moment, he feels the walls he’d started re-constructing break down. If anything, he’s envious, maybe, of Bellamy’s ability to make him feel completely and truly vulnerable. “Thank you,” he finally says. “So am I.”

They stay like that, for a while, until Bellamy finally lets his hand drop. “I guess it’s time for us to go back to sleep, huh?”

“Yeah,” he says, but it’s not. He already knows that it’s not. Last time, Murphy was comforted, knowing that when he did wake up, whenever that was, Emori would be right next to him and together they would explore their new life. But this time? He doesn’t have the energy left to fight again, not for something as simple as peace.

“Murphy? You alright?” 

Murphy wants to tell him everything, but it wouldn’t be fair to drag Bellamy into it, even if he’s always been such an intrinsic part of  _ everything _ . “I’m fine,” he says. “You should go. Echo might need you.” 

He turns around and walks out of the hall, catching Raven’s eye briefly as he leaves. The grief in her gaze was palpable, but there was something else there, too - determination. He tries not to think about what it could mean.

Murphy finds his way to the viewport, taking a seat in the middle of the floor, watching Sanctum disappear into the distance. The only sound around was a mechanical  _ hum _ . For a moment, he thinks he’ll see Emori next to him if he looks, but the hope fades quickly.

He’ll wait for a little while, and then go back to the hall, and check that everyone is safely in their chamber. He’ll leave some kind of message behind for Bellamy, explain everything. Maybe he’ll make a video, like Monty did - he’s still not confident in his writing to leave a note.

After a while, if he feels the same, maybe he’ll float himself. 

**iv.**

Murphy’s been sitting at the viewport for a while when Bellamy takes a seat next to him. “You’re not in your pod yet,” he remarks dryly. 

“Not without you.”

“You’re going to be waiting a while, then.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured you’d say that.”

And suddenly, Raven’s sitting on his left side, lacing her fingers through his. Bellamy’s situated at his right, grabbing hold of his other hand and squeezing it tight, and Echo appears behind them all, wrapping her arms around the group. She lets out a sigh close to his ear, and he does as well, taking in the view with what was left of his family.

“Monty and Harper were right,” Raven says, softly, with melancholic joy. “They lived a life of pure peace, and so can we.”

“We will make sure the rest of our people make it to their final destination,” Echo says.

Bellamy reaches over, gently brushing Murphy’s chin and directing his head to look at him. “We couldn’t do this without you.”

And in that moment, Murphy finally breaks down, letting years worth of emotion out and allowing himself to just be  _ held _ .

**v.**

Everything works just fine, until one day where he’s aimlessly kicking that old soccer ball around through the halls when Raven approaches him. He kicks the ball over to her and she laughs, kicking it back. “Just like old times,” he says.

This time, she puts on a real, genuine smile. “We’ll have to get Bellamy and Echo over here and play a  _ real _ game.”

“Sure, if they aren’t too busy with each other, like they always are.”

Her smile falters, and she misses the ball. Instead of chasing it down the hallway, though, Raven doesn’t move. “Hey, everything okay?” he asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because you’re looking at me the way you  _ used _ to look at me, back when you hated my guts.”

“Yeah, because you  _ shot _ me.”

“The point still stands. What’s wrong?”

She sighs, turning her back to the wall and sitting. Slowly, he joins her. “Bellamy and Echo. They really  _ do _ spend a lot of time together.”

“I mean - yeah. We both knew that they would, though.”

“Sure. I understand  _ why _ . I just wish that they weren’t.”

Try as he might, Murphy still wasn’t good with this emotional stuff, but he’s pretty sure he follows. “You have feelings for Bellamy? Really?”

“No! Murphy!”

“I know you guys slept together once, but I didn’t think it meant anything-”

“Yeah, and  _ you’ve _ slept with Bellamy too, but did that mean anything?”

He’s silenced. It’s true, though he doesn’t know how she knows it - he and Bellamy did sleep together, once back on the ground before his banishment from their camp, and then several times scattered through their six years on the Ring. 

Raven’s eyes widen. “Oh. It  _ did _ mean something for you, didn’t it?”

“Shut up, Raven,” he groans, leaning his head back against the wall. “It’s like you said - it doesn’t matter. He’s with Echo, so we can both pine from afar.”

“I don’t like Bellamy.”

“Well, then what-”

“I like Echo.”

“ _ Oh _ .”

“This is going to work out really well for us, or really horribly, isn’t it?”

**vi.**

Every so often, Bellamy joins him at the viewport and the two of them sit in silence and watch the stars pass them by. It’s a tradition, though neither of them could really say why.

At one of these times, Bellamy breaks the long-honoured silence. “Echo and I broke up.”

He tries to contain his surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. She’s important to me. But…”

“I get it.”

“Yeah, I hope you do.”

**vii.**

They don’t have a concept of time anymore, but he knows everyone’s asleep, so he figures that it must be late when he finds himself approaching Bellamy’s room. He doesn’t have a goal here, but it’s been months now of just the four of them, and he’s going to lose it soon if he doesn’t address the elephant in the room.

Is he using that expression right? It doesn’t make sense to him, but it’s an Old Earth verbiage that always made him laugh, and he’s knocking on Bellamy’s door now so it’s much too late to turn around and go back to sleep.

The door opens in seconds. “Hey, Murphy.”

There are so many things he could say.  _ We don’t have to part anymore. We had our period of sweet sorrow, but now it’s over. You’re the one I’m choosing, Bellamy. I forgive you for everything. Remember when you gave me calla lilies? Remember when we were pioneers? Remember our history? I love you. _

Instead, he pulls Bellamy towards him with one hand and kisses him, using the other hand the close the door behind him.

**vii.**

Later, he’ll learn that that same night, Raven went to Echo’s room, with similar intentions. The results were along the same lines.

**viii.**

“Should we do what Monty and Harper did? Make a video message for everyone else when they wake up, let them know what we did?” Raven asks.

“I want to say goodbye to Octavia,” Bellamy agrees. “But...I don’t have much to say, to anyone else.”

The rest nod in silent agreement. “This is my family,” Echo says. “You three are my people. I do not have to anything else to say.”

When he met her, he never thought he’d agree so deeply with Echo, and yet.

**ix.**

Exactly a year after they boarded the ship, Murphy and Bellamy stand near the viewport, empty space drifting all around them. They haven’t found another suitable planet yet, but they’ll keep looking. That much they will do for the rest of them. 

“Emori should be here,” Murphy says. 

“Everything that we do, we honour her name with,” Bellamy says. “It’s not much. But it’s what we owe her.”

He nods, biting back the tears. “Bellamy?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m...I’m really glad that you stayed with me.”

“There was never any other choice to make.”

**x.**

_ In the end, a lifetime passes them all by, and one by one, old age claims them all. Murphy, through some law of the universe, lives the longest. _

_ The day that Bellamy takes his last breath, he leaves him with a kiss on the forehead and a “yu gonplei ste odon.” Slowly, Murphy makes his way down to the main control room and sits in the captain’s chair, remembering the first time he was in this room by himself, and letting a lifetime of joy wash over him. _

_ Years ago, they found a new destination to lead the ship to, but it will take another century. The Exodus ship is on auto-pilot; everything is in order. Murphy presses a button and begins a recording. _

_ John Murphy gazes into the camera for several seconds, a soft smile on his lips and happiness in his eyes. “Parting,” he says, delicately. “It’s such a sweet sorrow.” _

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what this was. i really don't. but i tried. pls come talk to me/yell at me @sapphictomaz on twitter.


End file.
